The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Jack is the good and I have become the bad and the ugly as you will see in my thoughts about our situation to Jack below...

Much needed time together as a family was spent this weekend. Friday I didn't get home til Happy Hour time (gosh...remembering now why I used to be drunk around 3:45 til Nick had to get me from the bar on Fridays around 11...teaching SUCKS!!!). Saturday was sad because I got the Gymboree times mixed up and we missed it (which I had been looking forward too ALL WEEK) so after tears (mine of course) we decided to let Jack help around the house (here he is pulling up the blue tape from the still not settled wood floors....don't use Ted's Floor and Decor in Sachse, TX) and after that hard work...
It was time to try out Jack's new bike seat...It was way on sale so we ordered it, got Nick's bike fixed, and away they went. This was his first ride and getting that hat on was not easy (hence the wub) but he didn't use it long because to bark back at the dogs in the neighborhood-you need your mouth free. Too cute!
This is my boys right now....last night was one of the worst Jack nights since those days back at 2 months where you had to sleep on the floor, with your hand on Jack, while he was in the Papasan seat...He cried and cried all night. If you check out the blue tape picture you can see the drool all over his shirt so it is probably teething (of which Claratin, Teething Tablets, and Motrin didn't knock out), or it is him making us pay for going back to work by keeping us up ALL night before the first day of school. I suffered because of having to listen to it...Nick suffered because Jack will only go to him (which you will read about below)...so here they are tonight and I'm pretty sure when it comes time to move them last night will start over....Guess by driving around at 3 in the morning you don't have to deal with traffic and it is cool outside....right Nick?!?!

OK...so if you are not up for negative thoughts then stop reading...this is what it is in my heart/head, I'm entitled to my own thoughts, and Jack needs to know just how much I am dying inside.....Jack HATES me right now....don't tell me it is a phase because you aren't the one whose little boy cries when you touch him, runs from you, and won't even look at or acknowledge you (I'm sure if he fell from a tree, cracked his head open, and no one was around he'd turn my way...but otherwise...nothing). You think I am exaggerating...ask Nick, or come check it out yourself....It hurts like hell and it is all because (I hope that is the only reason) I have abandoned him which is so far out of my control it isn't even funny. So my working helps to pay the bills, but the years of Mommy and Me therapy will probably make it break even. If I could quit (and deal with debt later) I would, but then my career would be over and I am dedicated to my commitment to teach these 19 First Graders because that is the type of person I am...proably too dedicated at times. I have decided thought that Jack will be an only child because I refuse to go through this again, or put another baby through this. My opinion only....my child should be raised by his parents and if not possible...then....don't flame or hate....Jack I am so sorry....if there was anything I could do so that you felt safe and loved I would...even selling my soul to the devil (which after the hours I have put in/will put in and only peeing 2 times today I'm pretty sure I already did make a deal). Do I know there are worse things in the world than having to live a 2 parent working lifestyle...of course and I wouldn't wish that on anyone...but to me....this is pretty damn bad....no promises all my ranting is out of my system, probably never will be, just know I love you more than the world Jack and I'm here when you're ready to forgive me.